The Character of a Judge: An intimate interview with Judge Lynn Toler
There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there ~Indira Ghandi
In the world of reality television it isn’t uncommon to see main characters sporting high end clothing while galavanting around with over priced jewelry, fake hair, fake nails and tons of makeup. So much so that in real life you could be standing next to one of them and not recognize who they are. Therefore making reality television everything except, REAL!
Contrarily, this is not the case with reality television star, Judge Lynn Toler. Her impressive on air disposition came shining through my computer screen when she stepped onto the camera for our interview. Her attire was relaxed, her natural hair was precisely combed to the side and she wore no make-up. Her naturally beautiful essence was radiant all by itself. Initially, we had a bit of technical difficulty but when we worked out the cyber kinks and were able to see and hear one another we both joyfully shouted “We did it!”
Her energy and demeanor was so awesome our discussion seemed to flow like that of best girlfriends who were catching up for the first time in months. Then we got down to business.
Judge Toler is so much a force to be reckoned with that many people may have forgotten Judge Mablean was the first star on Divorce Court. However, Judge Toler is living proof that a person can bring their swag to a reality show and OWN IT!
On the show and in real life Judge Lynn Toler is an instinctively good spirited, honest and nurturing woman. As we have seen in several episodes of her show, she knows how to keep it real while maintaining order and making sure people don’t get out of line. Although she appears to have the patience of a saint when it comes to helping people with marital problems, it is a proven fact that she does not tolerate disrespect and should not to be toyed with. On the flip side, when she detects that people are genuine, yet uncultivated, she offers heartfelt advice.
It comes as no surprise that she would choose to become an adjudicator, especially since her father once donned the robe and slammed his gavel. Ironically, her intentions were not to follow in her father’s footsteps as she initially wanted to study medicine. A career in the medical field was the plan when she attended Harvard University. There was a family expectation that she and her sister would become doctors. Satirically, she didn’t pursue medicine and almost flunked out of school due to excessive partying and hanging out.
When asked about her experience as a young Black woman living on campus at Harvard University she said “Harvard was not what some people may think, educationally I had the Blackest experience ever.” Since she can remember she was in school with predominantly Caucasian students because her and her sister attended the best private schools. While reminiscing about living on Harvard’s campus and being able to hang out with an array of Black students, she states “It was different but it was good.”
The advice she gives on Divorce Court and Marriage Bootcamp often seems to stem from a mother-wit that only certain women possess. This prompted me to ask about the origin of her insightfulness. She said that she was once told “It’s not what you know, it’s how you feel about it.” She revealed that this is the best advice she was ever given and it is also the best advice that she gives. “Well, except when it comes to my sons, my advice to them is to not marry too early.”
Another hue to her already colorful life is a blended family that consists of her husband, and their six sons. Four of her sons are who she refers to as her “bonus sons.” Judge Toler does not recall the transition into an amalgamated family because she knew what her responsibilities were and she just did what she had to do. In her typically thought provoking delivery she says “My family has always been successful because it is the right family for me.”
With all of the sage wisdom that Judge Toler provides on television, it was difficult to learn that her self-confidence did not kick in until a few years ago. She describes herself as being very shy and withdrawn. Her sister is the one who was always outspoken and outgoing. As a result, the bond between her and her sister was strained due to opposite personality types. Ultimately, Judge Toler relates her insecurities to growing up in a household with a father who was bipolar.
When their mom fell ill Judge Toler and her sister, Kathy, put their differences aside and grew closer. Her mother made her realize the importance of the acceptance and inclusion of her sister. It is safe to assume that her mother influenced her sister in the same manner, which made their reconciliation easier. Today, talk of her sister warms her heart and brings a huge uncontrollable smile to her face.
There are many people who no longer have their parents in the physical and wish they could say just one more thing to them. For Judge Toler this is not the case, “There is nothing that I would want to say to my parents that I didn’t already say when they were alive. I came from a family where everyone knew how the other felt, even if it was unfavorable. There weren’t any secrets so there aren’t any regrets”.
While serving as a judge off screen, she saw countless women who were involved in domestic violence cases. She felt as though her hands were tied when it came to the help she was able to provide from the bench. Judge Toler believes the system only placed a band aid on these types of cases and sent women back into society to endure further abuse. As a result, she lends her celebrity to an organization that is dedicated to helping women who are domestic violence survivors. Today, Judge Toler is a staunch supporter of Bloom 365. She also supports the agency by giving financial contributions as well as reviewing their legal documents free of charge. For more information about Bloom 365, visit their website at www.bloom365.0rg.
When it comes to faith Judge Toler does not see herself as a religious person, however, she does believe in God. Presently, she doesn’t have a church home and admits that in regard to a place of worship “I am searching for the best fit and will know it when it comes about.”
At the end of our interview I asked, “Who would you invite to a dinner party, alive or deceased?” Her response was “Winston Churchill, Indira Ghandi, Muhammad, and of course, Jesus!” I was intrigued by her mention of Winston Churchill and asked her “Why him” she replied “He was a brilliant thinker and I believe he was bipolar which means he was all over the place, but brilliant nonetheless.”
Here are some fun facts about Judge Lynn:
Describe yourself in one word: Contradictory
Favorite thing to do: Read
Favorite food: Double Stuffed Oreos
Favorite color: Yellow
Celebrity friends: I don’t have any celebrity friends
Daily Workout: Stretching, I try to stretch everyday and I go to the gym often